Perception of self worth

It is not easy to distinguish between true self worth independent of your thoughts or surroundings and the self worth that most of us grow with. The one which is based on ones relationships, friends, what people perceive of you. How can one distinguish when ones mind and heart is trained to feel pangs of insufficiency no matter the outcome? Will a person like that ever be content or satisfied? Is this what people call being competent where you except nothing but excellence from oneself and show no lineance at all. Where does the kindness go when it comes to oneself and why does one deprive it from oneself? The mind is a very powerful beast that knows you inside out. Dont they say your worse enemy is you yourself. We often derive our self worth from our surroundings and especially from our work. Its easy to set an imbalance off if we expect our surroundings to not change, people's perceptions to not change. Besides who can assess truely what someone else thinks of them. It is a thought also, an image created by another mind. Does accuracy in anything really matter that much?

Ones abilities dont always remain the same, they change with time. Memory changes which is one thing I have been challenged with offlate. I dont remember details which are in immediate viscinity to me. It is like my RAM went down in capacity a bit, so things that are extraneous get pushed out. Especially numbers.

I will fail if I derive my self worth from my abilities or the perception of these abilities. But now that I realize this, I hope it will be easier to let them be and accept the situation and the person. Be kind to yourself so that you can be kind to others. We all have our own boundaries and limitations which are changing all the time based on the situation we are in. Let them be and pass. It sure hurts to hold on. Watch it and let it pass. Breaking my self worth pattern is one of the challenges in my life and I will let it go.